Early Warning Signs of Domestic Violence: Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

Red Flags: Recognizing Early Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

As we count down to the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence in 2025, Red Flags Wednesday shines a light on early warning signs of domestic abuse. These red flags often appear gradually and are frequently misunderstood, minimized, or mistaken for love and concern. Recognizing them early can be life-saving.

Each week, we break down a common red flag and what it is, how it looks, how to identify it, and what you can do to protect yourself and stay safe.


Isolation: When Support Systems Are Slowly Taken Away

What is isolation?
Isolation is one of the earliest and most consistent warning signs of an abusive relationship. It often begins subtly, with a partner attempting to distance you from people who support you.

A partner may express dislike for your friends, blame your family for relationship tensions, or insist that spending time with others “creates problems.” Over time, this behavior can escalate into guilt-tripping, creating conflict before or after social plans, or pressuring you to choose the relationship over everyone else in your life.

How does it look?
Your social circle shrinks—not because you want it to, but to avoid your partner’s anger, accusations, or emotional reactions. You may begin to feel cut off, monitored, or increasingly dependent on your partner for emotional support.

How to identify it
You may notice that you make fewer plans, hide interactions with loved ones, or feel anxious about how your partner will react when you want to spend time with others.

How to address it
Reconnect with trusted individuals whenever possible. Document concerning behaviors, maintain access to your communication devices, and actively re-establish support networks. If your partner becomes more controlling or angry when you try to reconnect, this is a serious sign. Seeking help and creating a safety plan before the behavior escalates is essential.


Control: When “Care” Becomes Power

Control in relationships can be obvious, but it is often disguised as concern or protection. It may begin with comments about your clothing, career choices, or friendships, and escalate into managing finances, tracking your movements, and dictating your daily life.

Control thrives on dependency—whether financial, emotional, or social.

How does it look?
Control may appear as constant “checking in,” offering to “help,” or insisting on being involved in every decision. Over time, choices that should be yours become negotiations or sources of conflict. You may feel like you need permission to make even the simplest decisions.

How to identify it
You may feel watched, restricted, or anxious when acting independently. You might find yourself explaining or justifying your partner’s rules or expectations to friends and family.

How to address it
Protect your access to money, identification, and important documents. Set boundaries where it is safe to do so. If asserting independence leads to anger, punishment, or threats, reach out to trained professionals, hotlines, or trusted community members. Planning a secure exit early can help prevent escalation into physical violence.

Recognizing control early is vital for maintaining healthy boundaries and protecting your well-being.


Extreme Jealousy: When Possessiveness Is Framed as Love

Extreme jealousy is often used to justify surveillance and control. A partner may accuse you of cheating without cause, demand access to your phone, insist on frequent check-ins, or react aggressively when you interact with others.

These behaviors are not romantic—they are attempts to limit your freedom.

Jealousy often begins as playful questions or insecurities but can quickly become a tool for power and control.

How does it look?
You may begin modifying your behavior to avoid accusations—changing how you dress, limiting interactions, or avoiding certain people because it feels “safer.” Your partner may constantly question where you are, who you are with, or what you are doing, accusing you of flirting or provoking attention even when you have done nothing wrong.

What starts as “I just care about you” can turn into interrogation, monitoring, and restriction.

How to identify it
Ask yourself whether jealousy leads to rules, monitoring, or punishment. Jealousy that restricts autonomy is not healthy. You may feel responsible for managing your partner’s emotions by changing your behavior. Their reactions may feel unpredictable, intense, and disproportionate.

How to address it
Assert your right to privacy and healthy boundaries. Speak with someone outside the relationship to gain perspective. Persistent jealousy that escalates into control is one of the strongest predictors of future violence. Another person’s jealousy is not your responsibility. Healthy relationships are built on trust—not fear.


Love Bombing: When Intensity Masks Manipulation

As we conclude this series, it is important to highlight a red flag often mistaken for affection.

What is love bombing?
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic commonly used at the beginning of a relationship. One partner overwhelms the other with excessive affection, compliments, gifts, and future promises. While it can feel exciting and romantic, its purpose is often to create rapid emotional dependence.

Once attachment is secured, the intensity frequently shifts into control, manipulation, or withdrawal of affection.

How does it look?
Love bombing may feel like a fairy tale—constant messages, surprise gifts, and grand gestures. Your partner may declare love very quickly and idealize you, focusing only on your positive traits while overlooking your boundaries or comfort level.

How to identify it
A key red flag is when excessive affection is followed by criticism, pressure, or emotional demands. Consider whether the behavior feels sustainable or overwhelming. If affection makes you feel obligated or uncomfortable, it is worth paying attention.

How to address it
Slow the pace and set boundaries. Healthy partners respect limits; manipulative partners often respond with guilt, anger, or sudden emotional withdrawal. Trust your instincts. If intensity turns into control or pressure, seek advice from trusted friends, advocates, or professionals who can help you assess the situation and leave safely if needed.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing the warning signs of domestic abuse early is critical. These red flags—isolation, control, extreme jealousy, and love bombing—often appear long before physical violence. Awareness empowers individuals to seek support, establish safety plans, and protect their well-being.

If you or someone you know is experiencing these behaviors, help is available. You are not alone.

Sources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline. Warning Signs of Abuse Know what to look for. National Domestic Violence Hotline, www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/domestic-abuse-warning-signs/.

Women’s Aid. I’m not sure if my relationship is healthy. Women’s Aid, https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/.

Stark, Evan. Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford UP, 2007, https://academic.oup.com/book/55149?login=false.

Love Is Respect. Signs of love bombing. Love Is Respect, https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/signs-of-love-bombing/

World Health Organization. Understanding and Addressing Violence Against Women. WHO, 2012, www.who.int/publications/i/item/WHO-RHR-12.36.